Every significant loss, death or transition plunges us into the depths of painful emotions and knocks foundations out from under our feet. And yet these times hold the potential for self-analysis, the creation of more reliable belief systems, and substantive growth into a better future. The current financial free-fall is no exception, and the pain is not limited to clients who have lost money.

At a recent national conference, I listened as advisors poured out their grief about the market collapse. Many were second-guessing themselves, shaken to the core at the loss of client confidence and of self-confidence. Most were questioning their assumptions about the marketplace and their role in it. Many took their clients' anger personally, feeling beaten down and discouraged. Several said they were just plain tired; one advisor expressed great relief that she was retiring next year and could leave it all behind.

Yet in the midst of the pain there was optimism and hope. Advisors spoke of sharpening their skills and improving client communications. Some were consciously revising assumptions about the business, their income levels or the market, and leaving behind the complacency that has dominated financial services for decades. Several were involved in discussions about financial regulations and fiduciary responsibility. Many envisioned rising from the ashes to become something better, both as a firm and as an industry.

Come spring, the market rallied, helping to lift some people's spirits. Nevertheless, clients still feel lost and confused, and the emotional demands are draining. They've lost a lot of money and are worried about the future, and they aren't quite ready to feel hopeful.

EMOTIONAL POLES

Grief holds these dichotomies—pain and hope—in tension like a tightly stretched rubber band. It is normal to bounce back and forth between them, and sometimes to feel lost in the middle.

How, then, do you most effectively balance that tension and make it through this difficult time? Here are six valuable tips:

1) Take care of yourself. Grief is exhausting and you need to replenish your reserves. Make appointments with yourself to do things you enjoy—play golf, go for a walk, listen to music, work out, eat with friends, soak in a bath, get a massage. Give your mind a break and indulge in some fun.

2) Find some non-destructive psychological or physical ways to express your sorrow. For instance, talk with a trusted friend (or perhaps a group of colleagues), throw a tennis ball against a wall as hard as you can, let yourself cry, rip paper into little shreds, write in a journal, draw what you feel, or pound on wood with a hammer. Exercise is a great stress reliever. Get the anger, fear and grief out of your system so it doesn't eat at you from the inside.

3) Remember that clients' anger is a normal grief reaction. Rather than taking clients' feelings personally and allowing them to destroy your self-confidence, be a trusted shoulder on which your clients can cry, yell and mourn their losses. Share their anger and grief, and when their anger is spent, start talking about what you can do together to make the future as good as bright as possible.

4) Consciously decide to smile throughout the day. Smile when talking to an anxious client on the phone; your tone will immediately be much more calming. Smile at a colleague, at someone on the street, at the beautiful sky or a magnificent tree, at a funny cartoon or even at yourself. Smile as if you are truly happy. You'll find that if you do it often enough, you do in fact become happier. Several neurological studies have documented that smiles work on the brain.

5) Learn from this experience. Objectively critique yourself and your business, evaluating your strengths and weaknesses in specific categories, such as proactive communication, prospecting or asking for referrals. Create an achievable plan for improvement and prioritize the most important steps. Check your plan daily and determine one thing you can do that day to help you meet your goals for improvement. Then do it, even if you don't feel like it. Take one small step every day.

6) Make a list of everything you're grateful for. Add to it the names of all the people you love. Every evening, read the list and add something good that happened that day. Go to sleep knowing that market conditions are not the most important thing, nor the most permanent. Let your family, friends and the goodness of life sustain you through it.