What would you say is the biggest difference between extraordinary people and those who are just average? Superior intelligence? We can all think of people who are really, really smart and getting nowhere in their lives.

Luck? That may help you become wealthy or successful, but it won't make you extraordinary-and you certainly can't manufacture it or count on it for long. Perseverance? Raise your hand if you know somebody who constantly has his or her nose to the grindstone and seems just to get by-on better days.

People who lead remarkable lives usually have two qualities in common. One, they constantly have their antenna out for new, useful or important information. And two, they are better than average at not taking in too many inessentials. Instead of reading The Wall Street Journal or local paper from front to back, they are willing to give their precious time and attention only to those information sources that have proven to be full of good ideas and wisdom. They understand that their attention is an immensely valuable resource.

If you want to put these two qualities to work and raise your effectiveness-your "remarkableness"-by orders of magnitude, the very best advice I can give you is to start taking yourself very seriously. Recognize that your attention is too important to be given away, unless you're getting something important in return, or doing something important with it. Becoming extraordinary is a byproduct of that attitude.

With that as a preamble, I'm going to share with you some of the important things I've learned so far this year. They directly address three of the most common challenges you face in your business activities.

FEELING VS. THINKING

Who hasn't ever talked with a client who was anxious about the investment markets? Ken Haman, a former psychotherapist who now works with AllianceBernstein, says that five out of every six years will produce a return sequence that either triggers anxiety or smacks your portfolio so hard that you wonder why you ever trusted the markets to begin with.

You, the advisor, know that this is normal. But how do you keep your clients from sabotaging their market experience by selling in a panic?

The key, Haman says, is to recognize that each of us has two brains, so to speak: the neocortex, where the higher thought processes take place, and a more primitive brain underneath it, which is about as smart as an alligator and happens to house all of our survival instincts. Whenever a client panics, the primitive brain immediately takes over and shuts down the neocortex-which allows the client to respond instantly, not thoughtfully, as if a saber-toothed tiger were running in his or her direction.

But your client is not fleeing a prehistoric predator. He or she is panicked about a 40% drop in the markets while capitalism itself is on the operating table. What do you do? If you're a typical advisor, you offer a calming discussion about sudden market rebounds and the value of a long-term perspective, perhaps with tables or charts.

But when was the last time you encountered an alligator that could read spreadsheets? To get your client to attend to your reasoned analysis, you have to get him or her out of the alligator part of the brain and reactivate the neocortex. Haman says that you do this in three stages:

* Listen actively. The client will describe how he or she feels. "They can't hear you, so you have to listen," Haman says.

* Ask for interpretation. This encourages the client to engage the neocortex. "What do you imagine is going to happen in the future?"

* Activate the rational mind. Ask questions like: "Is that what you think?" or "Is that how it feels right now?"

When you've gradually nudged the conversation to thinking rather than feeling, you can pull out the spreadsheets. Then, the info might have the effect you desire.

BITE-SIZE PLANNING

Is there anyone who hasn't worked with a client who didn't immediately act on financial planning recommendations? Deborah Fox, of Fox Financial Planning Network in San Diego, says that most advisors totally overwhelm their clients with a fully completed financial plan, filled with advice, recommendations, new portfolio allocations, new insurance coverages, wills, trusts, powers of attorney, strategic moves to save taxes, Roth conversions and all the other important ideas you may have for streamlining a client's financial life.