At the heart of successful client relationships is your ability to understand clients on a meaningful level. This means probing beyond their finances to reach their most profound values, dreams and fears. In these volatile economic and political times, knowing your clients this deeply, in a way that puts them at ease and builds trust, is not just useful, it's vital to good wealth management.

Here's a tip: Start by listening - carefully. One of the top financial advisors I've coached is also an advocate of truly knowing his clients, rather than just knowing about them.

"I feel I have to learn what clients and prospects are really passionate about so that I can build a plan around what really matters to them," he says. "You can't spend half the time talking about how great you are and the other half talking about how great your firm is. You have to ask the right questions and listen to hear what motivates them to do what they do."

Translation: Cast your own ego aside, and get ready to try what I call deep listening. Listen from the heart as well as the head. Yes, it sounds New Agey. On the other hand, you can only meet your clients' needs - spoken or unspoken - if you understand the world from their perspective.

Three steps to deep listening

Step 1: Free your mind. We may think of tens of thousands of thoughts a day, prompted by internal and external stimuli of all sorts - from fleeting emotions to the color of the carpeting. You must prepare to push some of those thoughts aside. Then take a minute to get centered, and say to yourself, "I am going to have a great conversation with my client and we will both have a great experience." It may sound corny but, by simply stating your intention, you will greatly increase your chances of success.

The final preparation step is to go into each conversation with no expectations, no desired outcomes and no judgments. You may have an agenda and interview guide, but the fact is you don't know exactly where the conversation will turn - and you shouldn't. Your goal is to create an open space in which your clients can reveal themselves deeply. You are there to hear them say whatever they want and need to.

Step 2: Listen on three levels. When any client meeting or conversation is about to begin, you must place your attention on three levels simultaneously (see "The Three Levels of Listening" chart, below). This isn't as complex as it might sound. The levels are simply yourself, the context and the other person.

Level 1: Yourself. If you aren't capable of listening to yourself deeply, you won't be able to listen to your client or anyone else deeply. To size up how well you listen to yourself, ask yourself:

* Are you maintaining the intent, openness and nonjudgmental attitude necessary to have a great conversation?

* Are you fully present and paying as much attention as possible?

* Are your own thoughts intruding on your ability to listen deeply?

* Are you feeling as aligned as possible with the other person and seeing his or her point of view?

It's virtually impossible to stop all irrelevant, intrusive and judgmental thoughts, of course, so don't beat yourself up when they occur. What you can do, however, is acknowledge that it's happening, then try to let go.

Level 2: The context. You must be aware of the context of the entire conversation, including your surroundings and your previous history with the other person. Prospects, new clients and long-term clients all present very different contexts. A lighthearted joke, a sports reference, a weather comment or an inquiry about a family member may be perfectly appropriate in some contexts, off-putting in others.

Level 3: The other person. Begin by listening to the basic information the person offers. It's important that you listen well without getting too caught up in the information itself. Instead, listen to what's underneath this information - thoughts and feelings, as well as values and needs.

You may ask, for example, a question author and advisor coach Bill Bachrach has used to clarify a client's values: "What's important about money to you?" Very few people have thought much about this, and your client's first answer will probably be superficial - something like, "I can have the house and car I want, send my kids to great schools, and go on dream vacations."