Dear Stephanie,

Why don't my employees take more initiative to figure out how and when to get things done? Do I have to tell them everything?  --Impatient

Dear Impatient,

Mark Twain made a point worth noting when he said: "Trying to make people do things is useless. It's like trying to teach a pig French. It won't work, and it will just frustrate the pig." Unfortunately, we can't force people to do what we want. But Twain's innate understanding of human behavior provides the solution to this dilemma in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, when Tom, given the chore of whitewashing Aunt Polly's fence, persuades his friend Ben Rogers to complete the task for him. Twain understood that management by command isn't nearly as effective as management by cooperation.

I hear a lot of frustration from advisors about how their teams are performing, and by extension, how the advisors themselves are performing. Interestingly, most of the time, the advisor is complaining about the people on the team, rather than the person leading the team.

Most business owners, including financial advisors, aren't great managers. Usually, they are more oriented toward seeing the vision, building relationships and designing solutions. Talent management is an area that most advisors aren't particularly adept at or fond of--and as a result, they are likely to underestimate its importance.

Most advisors I work with recognize that they don't particularly like managing people, and often ask how to hire people who don't need to be managed. That's really the wrong question. Teams that are highly invested in the business are not bought; they are bred. Paying more won't create good behavior; it often just rewards poor performance.

Studies have shown that the top reasons employees stay with employers are: interesting and challenging work; an enjoyable work environment and/or co-workers; and money. As with advisors, staff members place a high value on doing challenging work in an agreeable place. But advisors may not see this perspective. They may come to see the employee/employer relationship as a servant relationship instead of a synergistic one, and that's not likely to fulfill employee needs. Top-performing teams are only achieved when top performers come together willingly in passionate pursuit of a common goal. Is that how you'd describe your team?

WHAT NOT TO DO

Good managers have to follow the golden rule, and treat employees as they would like to be treated. Take, for example, the times when I say, "Come in" to an employee, but my body language says, "What do you want?" I try to catch myself and remember that I wouldn't want to work for someone who gave me the "what-do-you-want" look. The type of person I'd want to work for is the type of manager I try to be. Here are some questions that could help change your perspective.

Would you want to work in a place where you...

• received little or no training when you started, but were still expected to attend to every aspect of the job?

• had no formal job definition and no standard by which to measure your job performance?

• had no one invested in helping you grow as a professional and a person?

• had no clear idea of how to advance your career and your income?

Over the past 10 years, I've learned when advisors complain that their people are acting like employees, there is a good chance it's because they are treating them that way. Remember the top five complaints I hear about "the boss":

• He expects me to read his mind.

• She doesn't give me all the information I need and then gets agitated when it's not done right.

• He keeps pointing out that's not the way he would do it, but he's never shown me how he wants it done.

• Would a simple "good job" or "thank you" be too much too ask for?

• She gives me the "why-can't-you-figure-this-out-on-your-own?" look.

If these sound familiar, throw them into the what-definitely-not-to-do pile.

WHAT TO DO

Here are some simple lessons that can make a big difference.

• Employees aren't entrepreneurs. Generally, entrepreneurs don't need to be managed. They see the vision, survey the landscape and do what needs to be done. Most staff members, however, aren't entrepreneurs; if they were, they wouldn't be staff, they'd be competition. Staff members like structure, consistency and accountability. Providing these will improve their performance.

• Hire by design, not by default. It's easy to respond to a short-term opportunity instead of waiting for one aligned with your long-term goals. I've received more than a few calls from advisors looking to create a position for somebody great who has come along when no positions were open. I call this a missing-the-boat hire, because the reason for the hire isn't need, but rather the fear of passing up a good person.