Financial advisers can be caught off guard when faced with the emotional reactions clients may experience in response to financial life circumstances. Transitions of any type can produce strong emotions. Think of all the important life events where you may be expected to provide advice: birth, death, marriage, divorce, disability, job loss, new job, disaster, new home, relocation, and more.

Have you had a client in your office in a highly emotional state around a money issue? Did you confidently and competently facilitate that emotional moment? Most advisers have had little training in professional relationship skills. Without a specific skill set on which to rely, planners must deal with these charged situations intuitively, as best they can. Developing skill sets that support a productive, positive interaction makes sense. Here are five qualities financial advisers would do well to develop and improve over time.

Listening. Planners see themselves as problem-solvers and advice-givers, but when emotions arise, the greatest skill they can apply is to become quiet and attentive. Simply listen without interruption. When strong emotions are present, any attempt to provide a practical solution acts to bottleneck the flow, leading to intensified emotional distress. Don't solve or fix--just listen until the emotion subsides.

Empathizing. Once the client falls silent, the most effective response is a statement such as, "I am so sorry for your loss," or "This must be a very painful time for you." Then be quiet and listen again. The temptation is to jump in with a solution, a reason, a success story. Don't do it. Expressing empathy will allow the other person to find some peace in the midst of painful feelings.

Accepting. Many people are afraid of being judged for having or expressing emotions in a business setting. Let clients know, by listening and empathizing, that their emotional responses are both normal and appropriate. They will regain balance knowing you are there as an ally, not a critic.

Affirming. Once the emotions have run their course, clients often become aware of their own best course of action. The attentive planner will strongly affirm clients' wisdom and offer the expertise needed to support action and implementation.

Inspiring. The greatest gift a planner can offer clients is to be inspired by their goals and dreams--and to commit to making them come alive as realities. This inspires clients to believe in their own values and to act decisively. The planner's ultimate goal should be empowering clients so they can move forward with clarity, passion, and grace.

George Kinder, CFP, and Susan Galvan, MA, are co-founders of the Kinder Institute of Life Planning (www.KinderInstitute.com) and facilitate specialized training opportunities that empower advisers and their clients in the emotionally charged world of money.