Auditors auditing themselves. Fund boards voting themselves pay raises even as assets decline. Directors acting not just as executives' lapdogs, but like "Chihuahuas." Com-plexes permitting recent alumni to meet independent directors requirements. Soft dollars. Portfolio pumping.

Arthur Levitt, former chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission and of the American Stock Exchange, socks it to the mutual fund, accounting, investment banking and brokerage industries in Take on the Street, his new book set to come out next month (Pantheon).

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