Most couples will eventually face the loss of a spouse, yet few prepare for the financial complexity that follows. For advisors, proactively helping clients plan for that transition before a crisis arrives can reinforce their role as a trusted guide — and strengthen the likelihood surviving spouses remain clients.
There are nearly 12 million widowed adults in the U.S., according to the nonprofit Modern Widows Club, with 2,800 new widows and widowers added daily. Although the industry once widely believed that about 70% of widows left their family's financial advisor,
When it comes to managing money,
That same percentage, however, also reported
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Build trust early
Whether a surviving spouse stays with an advisor often comes down to the strength of the relationship built before a loss occurs. That's why trust early is paramount, said advisor Jesica Ray of Saddle Brook, New Jersey-based Brighton Jones. "This is a trust business," she said.
Ray said advisory relationships that survive one client's death require advisors to build enough confidence that surviving clients trust them to take care of them and their families in the long term.
"If the answer isn't yes," she said, "then there's an issue."
In one instance, Ray recalled sitting across from a client who always answered "Yep, sure." Realizing she needed a deeper understanding, she pivoted from account-specific questions to more personal ones, asking about the client's upbringing and early experiences with money.
Through her lines of questioning, she learned meaningful personal details about the client, which informed her planning and established deeper trust.
"The second you can get someone to start talking and help them understand that you're truly invested in them as a human being, they're going to open up," she said. "That's what's going to make these conversations, when they do become a widow, much easier because that trust is already there."
How to have 'the conversation'
Advisors and clients alike know why they must discuss planning for a spouse's death, but the subject matter is
When both parties are seated across from him, "I never want to use scare tactics or fear as a motivator," said Russ Thornton of Atlanta-based RIA firm Wealthcare for Women.
Thornton has guided many couples through financial plans that were eventually taken over by the surviving partner or spouse. His success in these conversations stems from his use of what he calls a "lifeboat drill" approach.
"If you've ever been on a cruise, the first thing you do before you even leave port is go through all the emergencies," he said. Looking over tougher moments also "translates pretty well into thinking about what happens when a spouse passes away."
An advisor's willingness to approach frank but gentle discussions around planning for someone's death can prove valuable. According to a 2025 FPA survey, 77% to 79% of the advisor respondents said the death of loved ones was a common crisis during client interactions.
Both Ray and Thornton agree that it's helpful to acknowledge upfront how difficult the subject matter is. From there, thoughtful questions establish the gravity of the issue and the need for a plan. Key topics to cover include bank accounts, pensions and retirement accounts. Discussions on life insurance and Social Security benefits can then flow into the conversation.
"I try to keep it open-ended, and in a best-case scenario, the couple guides the conversation where they think it's most important to start," said Thornton.
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Supporting clients after a loss
After establishing trust and guiding the conversation to set up the plan, the next step for advisors is to deploy it after the death of a spouse.
Thornton and Ray recommend staying away from technical discussions at first. Instead, they suggest focusing on the grieving process and immediate transitions. They recommend advisors:
Practice the pause: Instead of coming at the client in full force, get a sense of what they consider to be immediately necessary. One way to do that is by discussing their spouse, their lives together and seeing if they might want to do an exercise that tackles their current values and priorities. Tools such as the Sudden Money Institute's checklist on priorities can take the pressure off clients by helping them define priorities. Tasks receive immediate and mid- or long-term designations, which can prevent clients from feeling rushed or overwhelmed.
Let the client lead: "Absent the need to dig into and address an immediate decision, there's nothing that needs to be done in the first few weeks or months of losing a spouse," said Thornton.
Be mindful about who's across the table now: Before diving into anything technical, meet the now-financially-solo client where they are. In one of Ray's examples, she worked with a couple where the husband wanted to ensure his wife was taken care of after he died. His wife was less engaged in the conversation while he was alive.
"We realized very quickly [which] conversations weren't going to be fruitful, because she didn't like the conversations," said Ray, of the technical things such as estate planning and account management. "She didn't care for the money, but also
In the aftermath of the husband's passing, Ray was able to build trust by handling administrative overwhelm for his wife.
"She became really comfortable with our team because we led with, 'If you get a notice, or anything that comes in the mail that doesn't make sense to you, send it to us,'" she said.
Advisors who can establish trust and build plans ahead of time often reap the benefits of client retention after a spouse dies. Ameriprise reported that seven in 10 financially solo adults said their advisor helps them to envision retirement while six in 10 help them prepare for uncertainty.
"The best way is to help [clients] feel confident and in control of their lives," said Ray. "If you can get that as the starting foundation, the rest will all work itself out."
